Experiencing the Five Stages of Grief

Friday, January 27th, 2023

Shells on the Sand

Shells on the Sand

Mexico Beach, FL

Earlier this evening, I was on Twitter and read a tweet that said, "go and do a date night with your spouse," so I ask the husband if he was open, and he said yes. So we spent a lovely night doing what we always do. Talking about silly things and then dropping some deep stuff in the mix.

My thought process tonight over dinner was talking about how I think I am at the Acceptance phase of grief. This came up because the Memphis Police Department did a 48hr tease of a police brutality video as if a new album was dropping... I was thoroughly disturbed by this.

The tease of the brutality was disturbing, and then seeing everyone's "takes" was even more unfortunate.  So... this discussion came up because I think I am done with the lack of humanity and empathy people have shown since the turn of the decade. I went through the steps, and I think I am at the right phase of this... which all starts in March of 2020 and the reveal of the deep hatred and meanness people have in their hearts.

Denial - I am not sure I was ever in complete denial of how people act in this world, and specifically this country, but boy, oh boy, the way people acted in March 2020 was mind-boggling. People who I thought were friends went to another place that I was not ready to witness. Then, of course, May 25th (and almost every week since that point) made me see people in ways that were so disappointing I had to just stop communicating with people. Maybe I was in denial that people had empathy... or saw others as humans... or operated on some level of reasonable logic.

Anger - Over the last few years... I was angry. I like to tell people I was not the person they wanted to talk to in 2020 or 2021. I had my thoughts and opinions, and I was not in the mood to coddle people's feelings. So, I really stopped communicating with people and went into the basement to burn off energy. 

Bargaining - I did not go through this phase. I did not promise anything to some other being to change things. Ha! Ha! I was pretty clear about what people needed to do with their crazy.

Depression - Yeah... I can definitely say I felt this. I definitely isolated myself. I stopped talking to people because I had nothing to say.  My patience was short with people's nonsense, and over the last three years, I just wondered what the point was. 

And yes, at this point, I did start working with a therapist, and it helped. I the sessions left with doing my daily gratitude journal helped.

And now, where I think I am now...

Acceptance - I have accepted that the world is pretty cruel, and a lot of people are committed to just being evil human beings. Now, I know this may seem really sad and should put me back into the depression phase, but it does not.

I think accepting the world where it is, at least from my perspective, has taken the weight off my shoulders of being emotionally invested in people's nonsense, ideologies, or just attachment to being mean. It gives me the freedom, that people claim they want to go and pursue endless joy. 

When I was recording my podcast a few weeks ago, my co-host asked about my outlook for 2023, and I told him it is going to be a great year for me. He said I was really optimistic when others are not. I told him... that I actually do believe we are on a downward spiral of endless misery and the potential destruction of the world, but since I have accepted that, I am going to go and live my best life. LOL

I am sure this writing seems like an emotional rollercoaster, and it probably is. No, I do not have much faith in humanity. Yes,  I think we have lost empathy. And yes, there are those who are spreading their ability to dehumanize people to a level we will never recover from.

This is why I choose to be a bit selfish and make myself happy in spite of everything going on in this world. 2020 made clear that life is remarkably short and you need to do what you are meant to do, and sometimes you need many moments of peace to figure that out.

So with that... I am cool and enjoy walking along the ocean every day.

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